A Rose Swiftly Withering: May 2013

Today, I started reading Surprised by Joy by C.S. Lewis. It was so refreshing to begin after testing the waters with reading Huxley's disturbing Brave New World. The images being impressed on my mind were those of horrific proportions and shook me to the bone. I put it down and plunged into this autobiography of Lewis to find impressions on my mind of a very dramatically opposite nature. I will type out my train of thought here I wrote in my journal that was ignited after reading only the first couple of chapters. Some of the things I wrote were seemingly unconnected, being that I may have skipped over some of the "train cars" if you will, that led me to think each separate thought. I have also read the famous sermon also by Lewis, "The Weight of Glory" which leaves its traces in my memory and comes out in this journal entry.

"I am currently reading 'Surprised by Joy' by C.S. Lewis, and it is causing me to reflect upon my own life and think certain thoughts. He speaks of joy as those brief moments in time that disappear just as quickly as they appear. It can't be brought on when you intend to feel it, such as you can with pleasure, but once you feel it, you strive for more of it.

(In the next paragraph I went on reflecting on some deep emotions that I have bottled up here and there of a major change that came about in my family that has, and still does deeply affect me. I won't address exactly what it was, but I brought this up because of the joy I still feel in small bursts when I think about how our family use to be, and things we use to do together when I was a child. I will say that it has caused me such pain that I have had to distract myself from it and attempt to detach myself from it due to the pain it causes me.)

I feel that deep inside each one of us, this sort of longing exists...that longing for what once was; Namely, when we were young and without our own actual propensities to sin, and when each thing in our lives seemed new and magical. We try to rid of this pain we have from our lives coming short of the rapture we use to feel in life by distracting ourselves and numbing our senses so that we cannot hear the voice inside of us that's begging for significance in our lives. We numb it because we want instant gratification for that longing deep inside, and therefore resort to lesser things. We cannot bear the pain we get from letting go of those tedious, disgusting pleasures we indulge in. But we also do not want to face the truth that whatever we are holding with a firm, obstinate grip in our lives is the very thing we are living for. Yet still, some unashamedly admit to the world that that comparably tedious thing is worth their entire lives. The only conclusion I can come to in those instances is that they have justified themselves, compared themselves to others, and so numbed that deep inner conviction that they see what they live for as worthwhile.

My knowledge of these things is the reason why I have become disgusted at the way I've seen society develop: I see everywhere these gross, obvious attempts for society to put as many distractions and mind numbing mechanisms everywhere--Whether it's through television, any sort of portable technology like smartphones or tablets, alcohol, sex, secular music, social networks, and even seemingly more innocent things such as exercising (in excess). All these distractions to take you away from your innermost thoughts and emotions.

When it comes down to it, everyone is scared of being absolutely alone and left in the silence...because that is when you start to hear a haunting, convicting voice you so desperately try to crawl away from. The voice that tells you that there's more to life than what you're indulging in."

Pages

Thursday, May 9, 2013

The Weight of Joy

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Adventure Plan

Followers