Today I am feeling the weight of responsibility...

I am humbled to think of the position I have been put in, and the weight of my influence. I have so many titles that I bear...

Big sister, little sister, daughter, co-worker, friend, fellow church member, fellow band member, etc.

I am weighed down by the thought of how I fill those roles each day.
Oh, how miserably I fail to fulfill all those roles in a loving, Christ-like manner to each of those people who refer to me under each of my titles.

How I long to fulfill those roles the way God wants me to...

I know I'm a wretch, my dear friends...but know that I am aware

Know that I have to rely on God's grace each day to help me fulfill the roles He has placed me in. I know I've made the excuse that I'm a busy person, but it gives me no excuse to shirk these responsibilities I have.

I cannot bear to imagine what it would be like if I were to leave the earth anytime soon without more reconciliation than I have to those who are around me. I cannot bear thinking that they might have been hurt by me for not fulfilling that role for them.

My dear Lord, help me with those roles each day...guide me in my steps each day as well, as I go out in this world as an ambassador for You. It's for Your glory alone that I live...and I thank you for that privledge. Amen.

Affections

Today I'm reflecting on different things I've read and heard recently, and how much they relate to my present difficulties. It's all seeming to fit together to teach me quite a lesson.

I'm thinking a lot about the feelings and affections of my heart.
Certainly many of the objects and affections of my heart can be fleeting, and even idolatrous. Everyone on earth has an idol factory in them.

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?"
-Jeremiah 17:9 ESV

Our hearts are the seat of all our affections, and the driving force of certain sins we commit...but also the seat of our affections for God. I believe this why David asked for a clean heart,

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me."
-Psalm 51:10 ESV

And only by the cleansing of our hearts by God are we able to produce fruit. I am also reminded of the famous quote of C.S. Lewis:

“If there lurks in most modern minds the notion that to desire our own good and earnestly to hope for the enjoyment of it is a bad thing, I submit that this notion has crept in from Kant and the Stoics and is not part of the Christian faith.

Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak.

We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

- C. S. Lewis in “The Weight of Glory”


How true this rings to me, yet so often I forget it.

Whenever our hearts go astray from the affections of God to the affections of the world, we need to remind ourselves that we are settling for lesser things. No matter how attractive it may look to us, or how intoxicating our feelings towards those things may be, they separate us from fellowship with our Creator.

Ultimately, what's going to bring us the sweetest, satisfying joy is our fellowship with Him. The things we get caught up in this world may seem to be so attractive and worthy of the affections of our hearts...but they will never satisfy. It reminds me of what Jesus told the woman at the well,

"Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water, so that I will not be thirsty or have to come here to draw water.”

-John 4:13-15 ESV

My dear friends, I ask you today...What is ultimately capturing the affections of your heart today? Are you drinking of the water of the world that keeps you thirsty, or are you drinking of the Living Water that satisfies?

#30 Revisit European Candy Store

Oh yeah! Crossed #30 off my list, along with my best friend...


Haha, he takes after my style. =P


Look! Thur it is!!


Holy---plethora of candy!!!



Times I have with my brother like this make me so thankful. We have great times together, and it's so great how our friendship has grown over the years.
As kids we use to fight a whole lot some days, and beat each other up (hahaha), and then other days we would call each other "best friend".

Together we have been growing in our faith and learning from each other, as we have endured changes with our lives and family together.

I love about him that he can understand my point of view on things, and we share the same views. Because of this we can talk to each other and not get into debates with each other.

We've shared many adventures together since our childhood, and they just keep getting better as we get older.

I'm so very blessed with him...very thankful he was able to help me cross this off my list. =)

And another kind of list

It's been a while since I've done one of these....

X the things you have done:

() Shot a gun

() Gone on a blind date.

(x) Skipped school (does it count if I was homeschooled...?)

(x) Watched someone die

( ) Visited Africa

() Visited Canada

() Visited Hawaii

( ) Visited Cuba

( ) Visited Europe / England

( ) Been on the Alps

(x ) Visited South America

( ) Visited Las Vegas

(x) Visited Mexico .

(x) Visited Florida

(x) Seen the Grand Canyon

(x) Flown on a plane

( ) Served on a jury

(x) Been lost

(x) Traveled to the opposite side of the country

( ) Visited Washington , DC

(x) Swam in the Ocean

(x) Cried yourself to sleep.

(x) Played cops and robbers

() Played cowboys and Indians

() Recently colored with crayons

(x) Sang Karaoke

(x) Sang a solo or duet in church

() Paid for a meal with coins only

(x) Made prank phone calls

(x) Laughed until some beverage came out of your nose

(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue

( ) Had children

(x) Had a pet

( ) Been skinny-dipping outdoors

(x) Been fishing

(x) Been boating

( ) Been downhill skiing

( ) Been water skiing

(x) Been ice skating

( ) Been camping in a trailer/RV

(x) Been camping in a tent

() Flown in a small 4-seater airplane

( ) Flown in a glider

( ) Flown in a helicopter

( ) Flown in a hot air balloon

( ) Walked on a glacier

( x) Driven a motorcycle/been a passenger

( ) Been bungee-jumping

( ) Gone to a drive-in movie

(x) Done something that could have killed you-but not

(x) Done something that you will regret for the rest of your life

( ) Visited Asia

() Rode an elephant

(x) Eaten just cookies or cake for dinner

( ) Been on TV

( ) Stolen any traffic signs

() Been in a car accident

() Donated blood

( ) Gone Curling

Hmmm...wow. Looks like I have lots more to do

The List!!!

Assuming that I am going to college this fall, these are the things I want to complete before I go. =)

The Thin Line

That day I walked through the eucalyptus forest, I knew my life was not going to be the same. I knew that people would be more precious to me, because our lives are so scarce. And it didn't take very much to see the thin line...the one that separates us from death.

Now I call it a blessing to know that today is all I have. There is no guarantee of the future, and the past is dead. That is why I do not settle...why I cannot go on living as I always have, because it has been revealed to me that today is reflecting the rhythm that my life is dancing upon.

If I am to dance for all to see, I want that dance to be something of worth.

Suffering

Psalm 34:18:

The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart,
And saves such as have a contrite spirit.


Today I'm thanking the Lord for this promise.

It's another day I am feeling I have nothing and no one, but I know it's just the pain inside that's obscuring everything.

Often, I haven't wanted to wake up in the morning to face the day.

And when I have, a lot of the time I can feel so much depression, that all I feel I can do is sit and cry, and pray for it to cease.

I thank God that He has given me self-control so that my thoughts are guarded against thinking He doesn't love me, and that I want to die. Also, He has helped me in my actions not to turn to sinful means to relieve this pain.

Overall, in this time of desperation for me, I've learned it is when I am blessed the most...because I can cry out to God in my pain, and He will draw near to me....